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This year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the height of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted attack on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is interested or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to partners who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal traits indicating a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your choice to pursue a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely benign quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane turnoffs that immediately extinguish any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {